9. You say, "Do you think that lawn is gonna mow itself?" But then it does
8. Your child gets busted shoplifting a newt
7. Can turn lead into gold, but he can't remember to take out the trash -- am I right, parents?
6. He wears shiny red satin robes -- and you're just praying he's a wizard
5. Favorite discount electronics chain: The Wiz
4. Refers to Halloween as "amateur night"
3. He's only 12, but somehow he's dating Gwyneth Paltrow
2. His homework ate the dog
1. You catch him in the bathroom polishing his wand