amused10. Debate will be as bland and uninteresting as possible
9. Loud buzzer sounds every time Bush makes up a word
8. No bare midriffs
7. Candidates may give props and shout-outs to their peeps
6. Makeup artist will be on hand to touch up Senator Kerry's cosmetically enhanced, Day-Glo orange horse face
5. If the candidates wish to chew tobacco, they must provide their own spittoons
4. If Kerry gets too long and boring, he'll be shot with a taser
3. When tough questions are asked, candidates may phone a friend
2. First half of debate will focus on Kerry's flips, second half, flops
1. Bush must wait until closing arguments to wheel out caged Osama bin Laden
SOURCE:Unaired "Late Show with David Letterman" Top Ten List From 9/29/04
