9. Until yesterday, Jennifer thought she was marrying Matt Damon
8. Hectic shooting schedule for "Gigli 2"
7. The Sizzler had double-booked a bar-mitzvah on the same night
6. Last night he came home to find her being kissed by Madonna
5. Only way they can think of to postpone their divorce
4. Somehow Letterman actually got an invitation
3. The "something borrowed" was a wedding gown Winona got at Saks
2. They both suddenly realized "What the hell are we doing?"
1. Caterer needed more time to make plastic wedding-cake bride with gigantic ass