awake2. Virginia Tech plans to join the ACC, but its students are having trouble spelling it
3. President Bush ushers in T-Ball season on White House Lawn; leaves wondering how come he didn't get to throw out the first pitch
4. Ex-segregationist Strom Thurmond passes away at 100; will be buried in "dead only" plot of earth
5. Supreme Court OKs anti-porn filters in libraries; "Well, why would anyone go to a library now," wonders New Jersey man
6. Walking 2 hours a week reduces risk of diabetes, unless it's always to the candy store
7. Harry Potter writer Rowling sometimes yearns to be invisible so she can go back to writing in cafes; "Then I remember I could buy a cafe and stock it with extras hired to act nonchalant around me, and the yearning goes away"
8. FTC launches national "do-not-call" list; "I'm already on my ex-girlfriend's do-not-call list and I still ring her all the time," smirks telemarketer
9. Gay pride parades celebrate court victory, as Gay groups quickly interpret "Right to privacy" to include float after float of Carmen Miranda impersonators simulating fellatio down main street USA
10.Baby survives seven-story drop; Michael Jackson inquires about adopting it
11.New study reveals marijuana unable to cause permanent brain damage; opposition searches for study's authors asking "Who are Jay and Silent Bob?"
12.Insulation problem on rocket moves NASA's Mars Rover launch, technician explains, "Unlike astronauts, we're dealing with technology, and it's far too valuable to just burn-up"
13.RIAA files $97.8 billion lawsuit against college student, later demands lunch money from first-graders and pushes nun down in the street
14.Howard Dean wins first online primary; Cindy Margolies places close second
15.Strom Thurmond, oldest senator to serve, dies; private papers reveal desire to be buried with his parents under pyramid at Giza