2. Hubble telescope uses new technique to weigh faraway planet; "we are still unable to assess the precise mass of larger objects, such as Rosie O'Donnell" admits scientist
3. China to mass-produce AIDS drugs; in clinical studies Chinese versions succeed in making Kaposi's sarcomas go away, but they return one hour later
4. Point/Counterpoint: Underage binge drinking a growing problem, or growing opportunity?
5. Orangutans show signs of culture; "They use napkins, say goodnight, and most importantly, do not root for the Jets," explains researcher
6. Obesity still increasing in US; "all we can do is hand out more 'No Fat Chicks' bumper stickers and pray," states CDC director
7. Bush says US ready for war if needed; "heck, we're good to go even if it isn't needed," beams President
8. And now for something completely different - Monty Python director Ian MacNaughton dead at 76
9. Back-to-back suicide bombings kill 23 in Tel Aviv; Hamas set sights on a "Three-peat"
10.Ozzy and Sharon Osbourne renew their wedding vows on TV; unintelligible promises apparently include something about having, holding and getting the fucking dog out of here