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August 31st, 2001

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Top Ten Signs A Little Leaguer Is Too Old...

10. His drug tests come up positive for Centrum Silver

9. After the game, team orders 18 Slurpees and one margarita

8. Has to miss one weekend a month because of his national guard duty

7. Possible cuts in Social Security have left him too depressed to pitch

6. Teammates put teeth under pillow -- he puts his teeth in a glass of water

5. Artificial turf made by same company as his artificial hip

4. His positions: shortstop and team bus driver

3. He actually saw the Red Sox win a World Series

2. His first baseball memory: chasin' hookers with Babe Ruth

1. He's the only Little Leaguer going through a lengthy, bitter divorce
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