Albert Sims (albert71292) wrote,
Albert Sims
albert71292

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Summary Of Last Week's News Headlines....

1.Milton Berle and Queen Elizabeth eliminated from Final Four; Bob Hope and the Pope advance to finals
2.Survey shows a serious decline in courtesy in America; "People kept telling me to fuck off," says pollster who called thousands during dinner time
3.Phil Donohue may return to television; Tom Ridge ups terror alert to code orange
4.Jury selection begins in Michael Skakel trial; defendant relaxed, was seen out clubbing last weekend
5.California HMOs to cover "morning after" pills; still will not cover "night before" cocktails
6.Americans warned to avoid traveling to Israel; "It's very Jewish," whispers President
7.New study finds that Americans are sleep deprived, recommends watching more UPN sitcoms
8.Prince Harry saddened by death of his role model, Dudley Moore, aka Arthur
9.Cybernetic brain implants may enable paralyzed people to control robot limbs through thought; "Mecha-StephenHawking" ultra war robot expected to rule planet with iron prosthesis for 1,000 years
10.Soda pop tax urged to help slim kids; "it's much easier than actually playing outdoors with them," notes legislator


11.Iraq raises dollar amount given to suicide bombers' families to $25,000; hires Ed McMahon, prize patrol van to deliver oversize check
12.IRS offers tax break for weight loss programs; "Read my lips - No Fat Chicks," says Bush
13.Baffling black blob found floating in Florida water turns out to be Al Roker snorkeling
14.Giant Egyptian Bust found; Archaeologists rush home to masturbate
15.Best family car for 2002 once again not a tricked-up El Camino lowrider
16.Australia creates cloned calves; New Zealanders wonder whether so-called "girlfriend cloning" is ethical
17.Israeli tanks enter West Bank town; return with lousy T-shirt
18.Judge orders mother not to smoke at home or lose visitation rights; millions of divorced fathers take up smoking in vain attempt to get weekends free
19.European Space Agency satellite begins check-up of the planet Earth; armpit thermometer to be placed somewhere just south of Trenton
20.Aging Pope delivers Easter message, passes on egg hunt
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